The Pizza Onesie – Get It While It’s Haute?

You think your holiday shopping was difficult? What do you get the female celeb who has everything? So what if Sofia Vergara received a 10-carat oval shaped diamond engagement ring from Joe Manganiello — what lit up Miley Cyrus’s world from BF Patrick Schwarzenegger was far “tastier”– a pizza onesie as previously seen on none other than Katy Perry and Cara Delevingne. The polyester jumpsuit complete with hoodie and face obscuring paparazzi proof capabilities (giving new meaning to calling someone a “pizza face”) is a $99 wonder known as a “belovesie” and available: click here to see.

Cara Delevingne

 

Cara, always the trendsetter, was the first to pull on the pepperoni pizza pajama last summer. Flying home on the plane from her antic filled vacay in Ibiza along with Bradley Cooper’s main squeeze Suki Waterhouse and others Ms. Delevingne started an anti-fashion statement with her deliciously obnoxious garb. Later in the summer it was Ms. Perry who donned the questionable garment after her concert in Philly (what, no cheesesteak version?). Just when you thought the pizza onesie was so last year the former-twerker had to bring it back for 2015 and be #3 to jump on the “cheesy” trend. It looks like Patrick was a real big spender or else Miley is very hungry because he bought her the matching pizza blanket, hat and socks as well.

Miley Cyrus

What to make of this not so savory sartorial encomium to a national edible treasure? Besides spurring on the unavoidable “Who Wore it Better” media socialsphere (Please…Just don’t…it’s a pizza onesie, not the latest Saint Laurent) should the theme song be “We Can’t Stop” dreaming of pizza while we “Party In The U.S.A.?” The fact that it’s been worn in summer and winter means it works for both “Hot N Cold.” With apologies to Cindy Lauper maybe “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and what better way than to rock your favorite snack as a cozy onesie? (Less caloric, too). Maybe Britney Spears should wear it next…she can sing “You want a piece of me” while clad in pizza to great effect.

Morph suit

Any way you slice it, the pizza print seems to be the most popular of the prints just out of the box however it is not alone in the dark, or more likely at the EDM festival while being worn by a raver with a glow stick. It would seem that you can have your cake (or donut) as well as candy corn or gummy bears and wear it in onesie form, too. See other varieties here: click to article There’s also something called a morph suit which is a creepier version of a onesie (think cat burglar/second story man but with a sensory light panel that reacts to music) which is suggested male rave wear for those who favor an all-over Speedo. I am reminded of an article I just read in EW about an EDM cruise (A female voice politely announces over the PA, “Just a reminder, clothing is required in the dining areas.” click article here. Yeah, there’s that…so the fact that they’re clothed at all is a good thing.

One Direction in onesies

Back to the subject of males essentially in catsuits, Justin Bieber was seen holiday shopping in a London, Ontario mall wearing a loose black onesie with white stripes up the front. It was by no means the first time he’s been seen in public sporting an all-in-one garment but it is the most recent: (see photo). Likewise, Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock wore a Christmas onesie on the Christmas Eve “Live with Kelly and Michael” complete with Santa hat as he performed karaoke. (see photo here)

Beyonce one piece snowball cotton jersey onesie

Even Beyonce wore a onesie from Selfridges to make snow angels on her trip last week to Iceland. In November Rihanna was seen getting off a plane in a giant DKNY sleeping bag/dress onesie. They’ve both been known to wear the occasional union suit before but so far none emblazoned with foodstuffs.

While the idea of adult onesies being worn out in public is silly enough, the fact that the sublimation printing of various treats on them is giving me an “Idiocracy” reference is a little scary. In case you’re unfamiliar with the film, it came out in 2006 to extremely limited theater release but can now be seen on cable/Netflix and has reached status as a cult film. It presents a funny yet disturbing picture as actors Luke Wilson and Maya Randolph who were medically frozen as part of an military experiment, awaken and find themselves in the ultimate dystopian society. American culture fast forwarded 500 years in the future has become an environment where intellect is sneered at and dumbing down becomes the norm; all with disastrous results. Anything green in terms of plant life, and it seems natural fibers are dead, the result of watering with a Gatorade-like substance called Brawn-do which has “electrolytes.” Mankind’s most basic instincts are pandered to, particularly anything having to do with food or sex.

Scene from Idiocracy

TV’s most popular show on the Violence Channel is entitled “Ow, My Balls!” featuring only kicked-in-the-crotch humor and the Oscar award winning movie “Ass” is similarly self explanatory. Among corporate sponsorships which appear on everything in the film, clothing has become entirely disposable and is dispensed on rolls of polyester pajamas covered with primarily food logos. Recently many articles have been written listing how several of the horrors predicted in this movie have actually come true so the clothing angle could just be another one.

Rihanna rocks the onesie

The wearing of onesies may also illustrate the fact that many celebs are primarily overindulged children and can get away with doing whatever they like. If they want to wear a onesie in their off-time knowing they will be photographed, then that is the image that they choose to project. Whether it will trickle down to the masses the way the wearing of other types of uber casual clothing has, well, let’s hope not. I’m fearful of encountering an adult teletubby on a street near me any day now. At least for the foreseeable future I believe food logos on clothing should stay on the shirts and hats worn by employees representing said food establishments. Is Dominos ready for a rebranding of their uniforms? Delivery men wearing pizza onesies may be just the thing to knock the polyester printed pies off of the celubutards backs. The wearing of pizza should be restricted to those who dish it out, not those who merely take it.