“Close Encounters of the Victoria’s Secret Supermodel Kind”

Victoria’s Secret 2013 Fashion Show
(All photos Reuters)
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The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show has about as much in common with fashion as Barnum & Bailey’s Circus has in common with a Broadway show.  These Amazonian freaks of nature (I mean that in a good way) ARE the circus horses, all flashing manes, teeth and impossibly long legs prancing on the runway for all to see (read ogle).  I had an actual encounter with one of these VS Supermodels (Superstompers) in the flesh in a very New York way yesterday – so here it goes.

I was visiting my esthetician in midtown where I was scheduled to be on Friday but who changed my appointment in an earlier phone call, telling me to come late in the day yesterday as she had a client who was going to take hours and I would be afterwards.  I don’t want to specify what beauty treatment this was except suffice it to say that if you are going to bare all in front of America in little to no actual clothing (wings do not  count as clothing)  what must your body be free of (besides cellulite)?  Hmmm, I will leave you to ponder this question…As I arrived at said appointment to the noise of the whirring machine in question hard at work, I was unprepared for what would eventually walk out of the room.  A six foot tall blonde in skintight winter white jeans, tan sweater, sunglasses, hair up in a messy improvised pony/bun, sans makeup made me do a little quake in my rain boots.  The esthetician came out shortly after, looking like she’d been to battle and back.  “I need to sit down for a minute.  Do you mind?”  she inquired while popping a chocolate kiss into her mouth for energy.  I admonished her to take her time, that she should not have scheduled me for my brief treatment on the same day as tackling the Mt. Everest of women.  “One supermodel per day is enough, don’t you think?” I wryly cautioned her.

“That will be $1,760,” the receptionist told Ms. VS.  Just for reference, my treatment is in the $250 range (ok I go for laser hair removal on areas above my neck only) so that should clue you in to the scope of work required.  I don’t even know why they mentioned the price as the modeling agent is responsible for payment, not the model and that agent or representative would be in later to settle up. The laser specialist told the model not to forget to eat (she had arrived on a 5 AM flight after doing press rounds to promote the show) and apparently the poor thing forgets to eat if not reminded.  In addition, the model admitted to being somewhat “high” from the pain medicine given to combat the woes of the extended treatment.  Later, after “Wonder Woman” had departed  we discussed how the VS show would air tonight and how all the models would get together to watch it on TV.  For some reason I envisioned a sleep over with these rare creatures in pj’s acting rather like middle school girls.

As Ms. VS turned to leave, grabbing her under layer of an unlined fox fur jacket with a Canada Goose parka as her over layer (wow, I had moved her garments over to hang mine meaning they were touching!) the esthetician remarked on her selection of two coats.  “Yes,” she informed us “I hate to be cold.”  This struck me funny as I pondered how someone who walks a chilly runway basically in the buff could detest the elements.

The $10 Million dollar jeweled bra

Purely by coincidence upon arriving home from a dinner meeting, I saw that my husband had freeze framed the “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” mid-airing and was waiting to restart and play it in its entirety for me, having no knowledge of my run-in with the $10 million dollar jeweled bra wearer herself.  My spouse, an incorrigible flirt, was quickly bored by the program and went back to his computer solitaire, however I literally could not tear myself away from the TV.  Between backstage looks at the models preparing to go onstage, glimpses into how their costumes get created, Adam Levine of Maroon 5 cheering on his catwalking fiance Behati, not to mention the performance of the equally long limbed”my girl Taylor Swift” as the models called her, I was transfixed in the way one is from a bad traffic accident.

Finally, in a segment showing the VS models in an all-night shoot on the streets of Paris ( VS paid the city of Paris to keep the Eiffel Tower lit up all night as their backdrop), I get my long deserved reward.  The “stable of fillies” are all there in their unmentionables in 45 degree weather when bam, she says it.  “I am not happy when I am cold,” are the words the aforementioned ubermodel utters.  As Cindy Adams of the Post would say “Only in New York, Folks.  Only in New York.”

Laurel Marcus

OG journo major who thought Strunk & White's "The Elements of Style" was a fashion guide. Desktop comedienne -- the world of fashion gives me no shortage of material.

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